Boredom is a Developmental Task

By Dr. David Wenzel, For the Sandy Standard

Some of you may be old enough to remember uttering the words as a child, “I’m soooo bored!”

For me, it was often during summer vacation. Friends would gather and ask, “Whatcha wanna do?” The response would be “I dunno… whatcha wanna do?” This sophisticated strategic planning session might continue for quite a while.

Eventually, one of us would complain to a parent that there was “nothing to do.” The response was usually swift and clear: “If you can’t find something to do, I’ll give you something to do, and you won’t like it.”

At which point we would immediately scatter back outside.

Eventually, something would emerge. We might build a fort, create a dirt track for our Hot Wheels cars, play baseball in the street, ride bikes, invent games, or wander along a nearby creek searching for frogs. In a way, we were forced to engage our imagination and creativity or die of boredom -  boredom which, for the record, has never been an official cause of death.

What’s interesting is that boredom itself used to function as a kind of developmental task. It was uncomfortable but productive. A child had to learn to move from restlessness to initiative. From emptiness to imagination. From “nothing to do” to creating something.

Today, boredom has largely been engineered out of existence.

Modern life provides endless stimulation. If there’s a pause in the day, we instinctively reach for a phone. We no longer wait in grocery lines; we scroll through them. Children rarely sit in boredom long enough to discover what might emerge from it. Entertainment now arrives instantly, endlessly, and algorithmically tailored to us.

One of the side projects my wife Hollis and I have is renting our Treehouse on Airbnb. The Treehouse has many amenities, including water, electricity, and a toilet. What it does not have is Wi-Fi.

Guests occasionally arrive and ask for the Wi-Fi password, only to discover there isn’t one. There is usually a brief look of disappointment. Cell service at our property is spotty as well, so people cannot simply default to their screens.

But something fascinating happens.

Families start talking. Couples sit quietly together. People play cards, wander the property, build fires, read books, or simply stare out at the trees. It is remarkable how often guests later thank us for not having Wi-Fi. Many say something like, “we haven’t connected like this as a family in years.”

That observation sticks with me.

Perhaps boredom is not the enemy we think it is. Perhaps boredom is the doorway to reflection, creativity, connection, even peace. Some of our best ideas, deepest conversations, and most meaningful moments emerge only after the noise quiets down.

In a culture obsessed with constant stimulation, learning to tolerate stillness may actually be an important form of wellness.

And oddly enough, because modern life makes so little room for boredom, we may now need to create it intentionally. We may need to leave the phone behind on a walk, sit on the porch without a screen, drive without a podcast, or allow our children stretches of unstructured time..

At first, that space can feel uncomfortable. But just beyond the discomfort is often something surprisingly valuable: thoughtfulness, imagination, rest, and genuine human connection.

Maybe boredom was never the problem at all. Perhaps it is one of the quiet ways the brain learns to grow.

Dave Wenzel is a long-time Sandy Resident and a Licensed Professional Counselor who has spent more than 35 years as a professor and counselor, working with individuals, couples, and families. He and his wife, Hollis, operate River Ridge Counseling and Northwest Marriage Intensives located in the Sandy Business Center. In his column he shares practical insights about relationships, family life, and the human side of everyday struggles.